QUOTES FROM MUGABE
1. Any man who successfully convinces a
monkey that honey is sweeter than
banana, is
capable of selling condoms to a Roman
father.
2. Dear ladies, If your boyfriend didn't
wish you a
happy mother's day or sing sweet mother
for
you, you should stop breastfeeding him.
3. He who swallows a complete coconut have
absolute trust in his anus.
4. Dear sisters, don't be deceived by a man
who
text you "I miss you" only when it's raining,
because you are not an umbrella.
5. Swimming pool is more useful than
Liverpool.
6. If over 15 guys have sucked your
breasts, you
don't need to call those things "your
breasts", It's
called COW BELL, OUR MILK! - Repeat
after me,
OUR MILK!
7. It's hard to bewitch African girls these
days.
Every time you take a piece from her hair
to the
witch doctor, either a Brazilian innocent
woman
gets mad or a factory in China catches
fire.
8. All I hear always is, 'No sex before
marriage?'
If that was God's plan, then you would
receive
your penis or vagina on your wedding day.
9. The only warning Africans take serious is
LOW
BATTERY.
10. Men sucking lady's breast is normal
because
the act was learnt in childhood when they
were
young but the act of lady's sucking men's
d*ck is
what baffles me, where did they learn it
from?
11. Whenever things seem to start going
well in
your life, the Devil comes along and gives
you a
'girlfriend'.
12. When your clothes are made of cassava
leaves, you don't take a goat as a friend.
13. If you have attended over 100
weddings in
your life and still single, you are not
different
from a Canopy.
14. Dating a slim/slender guy is cool. The
problem is when you are lying on his chest
then
his ribs draw adidas lines on your face.
15. If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop
talking
about inner beauty because men don't walk
around with X-rays to see inner beauty.
16. Respect pregnant women because it's
not
easy walking around with evidence that
you've
had sex.
17. Some of the girls of today can't even
jog for
5 minutes but they expect a guy to last in
bed
with you for 2 hours? Your level of
selfishness
demands a one week crusade.
18. I stopped trusting ladies when my class
3
girlfriend left me for another boy all
because he
bought a sharpener wid a mirror.
19. Nothing makes a woman more confused
than being in a relationship with a "broke"
man
who's extremely good in bed.
20. Witchcraft is when a 24 year old girl
who
cannot jog for 5 minutes expects a 40 year
old
man to last for 1 hour in bed.
21. Being dumped by a dark-skinned girl is
the
worst thing ever; because anytime you get
home
and see charcoal, you become emotional.
22. Women with beauty and no brains, it is
your
private parts will suffer the most.
23. When one's goat gets missing, the
aroma of
a neighbour's soup gets suspicious.
24. Its better for a man to be stingy with
his
money because he hustled for it than a
woman
to deny you a hole she didn't drill.
25. Even Satan wasn't gay, he approached
naked
Eve instead of naked Adam. Say no to
same-sex
marriage.
26. If you are a married man and you
find
yourself attracted to school girls, just buy
your
wife a school uniform.
27. It is every man's dream to remove a
woman's
pant one day but NOT when it's on a drying
line.
28. Virginity is the best wedding gift any
man
would receive from his newly wed wife but
lately,
there's nothing as such any-longer because
it'll
have already been given out as a Birthday
gift,
token of Appreciation, Job assurance,
Church
collection, Examination marking schemes &
for
Lorry fares!"
29. Treat every part of your towel nicely
because
the part that wipes your buttocks today will
wipe
your face tomorrow.
30. We are living in a generation where
people “in
love” are free to touch each others’ private
parts
but cannot touch each others’ phones
because
they’re private.”
31. Sometimes you look back at girls you
spent
money on rather than send it to your mum
and
you realise witchcraft is real.
32. If President Barack Obama wants me to
allow
marriage for same-sex couples in my
country
(Zimbabwe), he must come here so that I
marry
him first.
33. South Africans will kick down a statue
of a
dead white man but won’t even attempt to
slap a
live one. Yet they can stone to death a
black
man simply because he’s a foreigner.
34. What is the problem? We now have
aeroplanes which can take them back
quicker
than the ships used by their ancestors.
36. Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in
a
piece of paper with fire on one end and a
fool on
the other end.
37. A brave man is he who has a running
stomach and still wants to flatulate.
38. Journalist: Sir don't you think 89 years
would
be a great time to retire as a President
Mugabe: Have you ever asked the Queen
this
question or is it just for African leaders?
39. Interviewer: Mr President, wen are you
bidding the people of Zimbabwe farewell?
Robert: Where are they going?
40.My dear ladies, please don't buy a
selfie stick
when your armpit itself needs a shaving
stick
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