Guys tend to be pretty straightforward on
dates. If you don't agree with that sentiment,
you're likely overthinking it (or you know some
really hard-to-read guys). But there are still a
few things here or there that guys can throw up
as smokescreens. Here's how to decode his date
lingo.
1. He says: "I had a really late lunch so I probably
won't get anything too heavy."
He means: "This restaurant is way more expensive
than I thought and I'm hoping you won't order an
entree if I don't."
However you want to split the bill at the end of
night is fine, but if he makes a point to talk
about what he's ordering, or makes more than
one joke about dining and dashing, he might be
trying to avoid an overdraft fee here.
2. He says: "I'm an entrepreneur."
He means: "I live at home and am currently
unemployed. I may or may not have sold drugs. I
might be selling drugs right now."
Nothing wrong with living at home, but anyone
who has to describe themselves as an
entrepreneur instead of describing the actual
business that classifies themselves as an
entrepreneur probably doesn't do much of
anything.
3. He says: "You know, I normally eat healthy but I
think I'm going to make today a cheat day."
He means: "I say this every day."
He's going to eat some hot garbage like nachos
and ice cream because that is what is in his
heart. When he says this, reach across the
table, take both his hands in yours, look him in
the eyes, and tell him, "Be who you are."
4. He says: "I'm not looking for anything serious."
He means: "I'm just here to have sex with you,
really."
This should be pretty straightforward, but all
too often, people have a tendency to fall into
this self-made trap of "Oh, he doesn't want to
settle down, but I'll change his mind." You
likely won't. If anything, you'll put him off.
Either decide you're OK with something casual
or move on. And don't blame each other for
wanting different things.
5. He says: "I'm really tired and have a big day
tomorrow."
He means: "I'm putting this date out of its misery
right now."
It's possible that he isn't lying, but if he were
having a great time, then that shouldn't matter.
It's a fair excuse if his "big day" involves heart
surgery (giving or receiving), a massive
presentation, or something similar though. But
if it's Friday night and he's being vague about
these "big plans," then don't expect to ever
hear from him again.
6. He says: "I've been so busy with work recently."
He means: "I hope you're cool with seeing me once a
month, tops."
No one wants to admit to being a living ghost
that will barely be able to maintain a
relationship with any partner with even
moderate expectations. But if he's dropping lots
of clues like how stressful his job is and the
hours he works, be prepared to spend a lot of
weekends without him. Some people love that.
7. He says: "All of my ex-girlfriends are crazy."
He means: "I'm a big piece of shit."
It's possible he's just into women who are
legitimate psychopaths. It's more likely he's a
sociopath that makes these women crazy.
Either way you look at this, something is
probably deeply wrong with one of you, and
this will end with you or him hurt. Bail out.
8. He says: "You haven't seen that movie? I have it
at my place. You've got to see it, like, right now."
He means: "Leeeeeeeeeeettt'ssssss
fuuuuckkkkkkkk."
Anytime he's like, "Let's get out of here," it's to
sex you up. Leaving a date to go back to
someone's place is the universal code for
agreeing to bang. Personally, I'd motion for a
firm handshake and each party shouting, "We
agree upon intercourse!" after the check comes,
but whatever. Anyway, unless he's having a
life-threatening allergic reaction and asking you
to come back to his place so you can jam him
with the EpiPen he has there, he means sex.
Sometimes even if he is having a life-
threatening allergic reaction, he means sex.
Maybe "jab me with my EpiPen" is even slang
for "pegging." I don't know. Maybe it's best to
clear it up. If he's having a life-threatening
allergic reaction, grab him and yell, "Do you
want me to fuck you or do you want me to
administer an EpiPen?"
9. He says: "I had a great time last night, I just don't
think I'm looking for a relationship right now."
He means: "I didn't have a great time last night."
He is trying to be nice here. It's a very normal
way of saying there wasn't a spark without
shitting all over the date. Don't read into it or
force the issue. Just let his heart take him
wherever it takes him, and you do the same.
10. He says: "Crazy weather we're having, huh?"
He means: "I have no idea what I'm doing here,
please help me, OH MY GOD, MY BRAIN IS BURNING
ANY CONSCIOUS THOUGHTS I HAVE TO THE
GROUND AND I CAN'T FORM A SINGLE COHERENT
SENTENCE WHY DID I GO WITH THE WEATHER AS A
TOPIC WHAT IS HAPPENING?"
Hope you know some good ice-breakers.
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