According to
the National Institute of Mental Health, an
anxiety disorder is the most common mental illness in
the United States affecting nearly 40 million adults age 18
and older. Several marriages have felt the crippling
effects of doubt and insecurity that accompany states of
anxiety and panic.
Leading people to ask the big question , how do you
support a spouse that has a deep connection with
feelings of inadequacy and terror ?
First you must try to understand
Helping your spouse to overcome and cope with their
heightened anxiety can be easier by following these do ' s
and don ' ts .
and identify the source of their anxiety . There are several
things that can induce anxiety : a negative childhood
experience, negative self - talk , negative relationship with a
parent or a traumatizing life experience . These scarring
events have permanently created a sense of impending
danger , hyper - awareness to the individual ' s surroundings
and fear of inadequacy.
DO :
Do understand that your partner seeks reassurance and
comfort at a time when they feel the most insecure and
on edge . Your partner may put on a brave face , but
underneath their anxiety they are searching for adoration
and acceptance .
Do invite your partner to get up and do something
physical . Scientists have proven exercise to be a useful
tool to lower stress levels and counter worry . Go on a
walk , take a dip in the pool or go dancing .
Do pay attention to their moods . When your spouse is in a
cranky mood be careful with how you communicate with
them . Anxious individuals cannot adequately describe the
mood or worries they have when they are on edge , so it is
vital as their partner to recognize their change of mood
and encourage your partner to talk about them . Talking
can release built up tension .
Do listen when they are in need of someone to vent to .
Whether they want to talk about work, family
relationships , neighbors, their body weight or money …
listen . Their ability to talk about issues and concerns is a
sign they trust you and appreciate your advice.
Do question if they are doing alright . Let them know you
are a safe space , a confidant and their rock . Letting them
know they have someone in their corner who loves them
will help them combat anxiety and feelings of not being
good enough
Don't
Don't allow yourself to feel anxious as well. Moods can
often be contagious, but do not let your spouse's fears
and trepidations make you begin to question yourself.
Remember anxiety is not your fault and there are ways to
cope with it.
Don ' t allow your spouse to bully you . Anxiety can cause a
partner to unleash critical and degrading statements
towards the ones they love most . Often times their ability
to criticize is more of a reflection of their own insecurity
than a real jab at your character . Fight this action by trying
to understand their point of view and then guiding them
to the best solution .
Don ' t set your spouse into a panic over your own reasons
to stress. If your spouse is easily set off from hearing
other people ' s worries do not vocally express them . Write
them down or text them to your partner and ask their
opinion on the situation . The casual expression will help
diffuse any unnecessary tension .
Don ' t let their fear and tension draw a reaction out of you .
If there is a certain thing pressing heavily on your partner
do not let their worry lead you to an argument . Try to
diffuse the tension early by guiding the conversation to
small and simple things the two of you can do to solve
the issue before it gets worse.
Anxiety is an emotional response that defies all sense of
rational thinking. Fight to understand the source of the
problem they are dealing with and talk together to find
sensible solutions .
Proper communication and love can counter the crippling
effects of anxiety
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