1. She'll Give You
Consent
One of the biggest turn offs for most women,
Brown-James says is a man who is too pushy,
eager or rough from the beginning. It's
important to ease into being intimate together,
and the key to making sure she's just as
excited as you are, is making sure she gives
consent.
"She should give you permission every step of
the way about what she wants, likes and is
pleasurable to her and how she is open to
inviting you into that sexual space with her,"
says licensed marriage and family therapist
Marissa Nelson , LMFT, CST. "It's the guy's job
to have an ongoing conversation about
intimacy, and to let her know that it is OK to
move at her pace, and as long as there's no
pressure and she comes to that decision on her
own, the sexual experience is a mutual one that
you both can create and enjoy together."
It's never sexy to manipulate or persuade
someone into sleeping with you. Not only is it
wrong and deceitful, the experience for both of
you won't be as passionate and intense as it
could be. When she's ready to go all the way —
she'll give you consent. And you shouldn't go
one step past what she's comfortable, ever.
2. She'll Ask About
Logistics
While your thought process about having sex for
the first time with your new lady might only
extend to what it feels like — she's thinking a
lot more strategically and organized. After being
intimate, many women — and ahem, men! —
want to spend time cuddling , talking and lying
naked together, basking in that post-orgasm
warmth. So if she's starting to inquire about
what you're doing later or tomorrow morning,
she may be trying to figure out if tonight is the
night.
"When a woman is thinking about being intimate
with a guy, she might start to ask questions
about your schedule and your average routine to
see what things would look like if you guys
spent the night together," Nelson says. "She will
also want to know about privacy, and may
wonder how many roommates you live with to
see if she can get you alone and all to herself."
3. She'll Make An Effort
To Get Closer
As she gets to know you, you might notice that
she lets her guard down more. Or she relaxes
into your shoulder more easily. Maybe she's
leaning on you more or holding your hand. As
women start to become more attracted to a
potential partner, and thus, more comfortable,
they'll start to want more closeness and
sensuality. She'll also become more open about
sex in general and be curious about how you
feel about the subject.
"She may start dropping sexual cues when
you're together by increasing physical affection,
or want to create opportunities for closeness by
inviting you over to watch a movie and staying
in, even asking for cuddles or a sensual
massage. You know she feels comfortable with
you because she increasingly allows you to
touch her body and let you into her personal
space," Nelson says.
4. She'll Start Sexting
Both men and women in long-term relationships
report that talking about their plans for later —
when the computers are shut down, the chores
are finished and the bills are paid — is what
gets them through the day. Sexting is a sexy
part of your couplehood, right from the
beginning and even before you get intimate.
Nelson says that when a woman is toying with
the idea of taking the sexual game to the next
level, she might start sending some scantily-
clad photos and descriptive blue bubbles your
way.
"Perhaps she might start talking to you about
what her sexual preferences are, and
conversation can lead to erotic talk and
sexting," she says. Here, she's attempting to
get to know what you're like in bed before your
clothes come off together in person.
5. She'll Ask About
Your History
While you might be more into sending sexts
during the day detailing what you can't wait to
do to her, she's wondering about what you've
already done — and if you wrapped it when you
did it. It might not be the most invigorating or
inviting of topics, but when a woman is thinking
about sleeping with you, and possibly, even
starting a relationship with you where you'd go
condom-free, she may start wondering about
your sexual history.
Nelson says she's asking questions like 'Are
you seeing someone else right now?' Or 'How
many dates have you been on in the last week?'
To gauge how sexually responsible and safe you
are. "She could also let you know that before
you have sex, you both have to get tested," she
says. "Your honesty paired with her
understanding your overall safe sex practices
gives her confidence and trust in you as a
potential intimate partner."
6. She'll Invite You
Upstairs
Though having you over to her place doesn't
mean she's ready to run all three bases to
home, it does mean that she's ready to be
alone with you. Brown-James says that if she
initiates sexual play, it could be an indicator
that she's thinking about taking things to the
next level, but again, this is where consent has
to play a big role in your passion planning.
Brown-James says a woman will say 'I would
like to have sex with you' — or something sexier
like 'I want you now' — when she is fully ready
to commit to the next level. As long as you are
going at her pace and listening and feeling her
cues, you'll both be golden.
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